What?
by boredsvunut
Summary: Poor John's in for a surprise. JO, oneshot, with sequels.


(Disclaimer: Not. Mine. I can't say it any more simply than that. Olivia and SVU belong to Dick and NBC... and John... well, John belongs to himself. :D)  
(Note: Yes, this is a JohnOlivia pairing... and it might not be everyone's cup of tea. This is a one-shot. I have more coming to this storyline, in the form of other pieces, not chapters.)

"Liv?" I call, stepping into her apartment. I shut the door behind me and drop the spare set of keys she gave me on her kitchen table.

There's no sign of life anywhere in the main rooms and unless she's soundly asleep or out I've made enough noise to get her attention.

She called in sick this morning, which was a real surprise. It's seldom she ever takes a sick day. But she never called me and both of her phones went unanswered, so I thought I'd check in.

Deciding to see if she's sleeping, I start down the hall. There's a light on in her bathroom, shining through the slightly open door. "Olivia? Hey - it's me."

"John?" There's a different note in her voice - something making it sound not quite right - but I can't pin it.

"Who else? Is it safe to come in?"

"Yeah." I hear her moving around, shifting things.

When I step into her tiny bathroom, the first thing I notice is that she's been crying. Something's definitely wrong.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I question, as she perches on the cover of the toilet.

She swipes the back of her hand across her eyes, roughly and sighs. She then gestures to the sink. On the rim is the remains of a cardboard box - and a telltale plastic stick. Even though none of my wives ever had the need for a pregnancy test, I know what it is.

"What the hell, Olivia?"

"What do you think it is?" She demands, her voice rising just slightly. "It's positive," she finishes, softly. "I didn't mean for this to happen"-

"How _did_ it happen?"

She stares at me for a second. "Alzheimer's kicking in or something, John? How do you _think_ it happened?"

"You were using birth control..."

"And it's not foolproof. I could've messed up the pills..." She trails off and bites her lip. "I'm sorry... I wasn't trying for this. I"-

Looking at her face, it's easy to tell she's scared. Nearly as scared as I am.

"It could be wrong," I tell her.

"It's not wrong. I took three. Positive."

"Scared?"

She smiles, shakily. "To death," she admits, sliding off the toilet seat to sit on the floor, putting her head between her knees. "I never planned on having kids, you know?"

I lever myself down beside her, carefully. "Do you think I did?"

"But I - I don't know anything, John. I'd shoot myself before I gave another kid my childhood - but that's all I've got to go on, besides television. I'm not getting rid of it - I'm keeping it - but you don't have to stick around."

"Do you think I'm going anywhere?" I demand, making her look up at me, startled. "This is my kid you're talking about... do you think I'm going to be able to look at the baby pictures on your desk someday and not care? And, besides - I'm not interested in getting my ass handed to me, I'll have you know."

"Why? You've said..."

"I know what I've said, Olivia. This is different." I lean down and kiss the crown of her head, softly. "You're worrying about the genes, aren't you?" I've suspected it's always in the back of her mind. That there's something that she's going to pass on - or worse, something that's going to come out of her - because of her father.

She nods. "A little. I turned out okay, somehow-"

"More than okay," I cut her off, nuzzling the back of her neck.

She rolls her eyes at me. "But it's still there, right? It could happen. But - one side of my medical history is a blank. What am I passing on? What if I have this baby and it's born with something from my father's side that I didn't know about..."

She'll kick herself to no end, if that happens. She'll feel guilty for something she couldn't prevent - again.

"We're just going to have to take the risk, Liv. You were born healthy, weren't you?"

"Um-hm." She pauses for a second. "Do you think we can do this?"

"It's a little late to go back now - unless you don't want to keep it?"

She shakes her head. "No. I've been telling myself - ever since I had a pregnancy scare in college - that if I did end up pregnant, I'd keep the baby."

"Why?"

"I know what it's like to grow up wondering about your parents. I'm not going to put another kid through it."

"But you lived with your mother"-

"I lived with the booze," she says, flatly. "Not with her. I didn't really get to know her until I was older - out on my own, after college. I grew up - stopped hating her. Stopped resenting her. When I was a kid, I know I said and did some things just to hurt her. And she'd try to quit - or at least avoid drinking around me."

"I can just imagine you on maternity leave," I comment, letting my hand play with her hair.

"Jeez. Ass duty for months. Don't go there," she groans. "But what are we going to do for a place, John? We can't raise a kid here. There isn't even another bedroom."

"And my place is smaller," I answer, looking at her. "Didn't you say there was a two-bedroom down the hall - didn't your neighbors just move out?"

She sits up a little straighter. "They did. But we'd never be able to afford the rent..."

"We could. Or we could buy it."

Olivia blinks, confused. "How?"

"I've been saving my pension from Baltimore - being on the job here, I haven't needed it. It's tucked away - I had no idea what I was saving it for, until now."

"But... I don't want you to"- She sighs. "My mother left me money, too. I've never touched it - I didn't want it, at the time - and I've never needed it. I made enough for me to live on."

"Then we could probably split the cost of that place - if it's the one we want. We could probably find other ones in this neighborhood, in the same price range."

"Moving in together though, John?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Judging by my closet Liv, you're half moved in with me as it is."

She blushes a little. "I know. But it's different... I'm not really domestic... have you seen the kitchen?"

"Have you seen mine?" I counter, earning a laugh from her.

"Yours is even more pathetic than mine," she grins. "Typical former bachelor."

"We'll pick up that kind of stuff eventually - we'll have to, with a kid who can't live off coffee and bagels."

"What about the guys? Don's going to have a heart attack," she comments.

"We should wait to tell them, shouldn't we?"

"No. John, I'm not waiting until I'm starting to show. If I do - Elliot will probably have a heart attack."

"It might be good for him," I mutter, earning an elbow in the ribs.

"I'll go to the doctor and then I think we should tell them," she murmurs, "it'll be easier."

"You okay?" I ask, as she leans her head on my shoulder.

"No," she says, bluntly, "I'm scared shitless. But I'll get over it."


End file.
